In my coaching practice I have had the opportunity to partner with some really brilliant, hard-working and amazing men, from physicians to corporate executives to the “Mr. Moms,” if you will. Interestingly, the number one reason why men seek me out is to help them gain clarity and direction in shifting from what they are experiencing in their relationships with their significant other to what they desire to experience. While each of my coaching sessions are tailored to the individual, there are a few basic tips that may help you shift your relationship from where it is to where you want it to be.
Tip #1 – Be Grateful, Baby
Every morning, as a matter of habit, I list at least ten things that I am so thankful and grateful for. If there is a particular area in my life that I perceive needs "up-leveling," then I will focus on finding at least ten things that I am thankful for about that particular issue. This process is easily applied to our current relationships. Everyday list at least ten things you are so thankful and grateful for about your mate. When we are able to sincerely and authentically express our gratitude, we are opening ourselves up to experiencing and receiving even more things to be thankful and grateful for. After mastering the ability to express gratitude for what you see in your mate now, I challenge you to begin expressing gratitude for the qualities in her that you desire to see.
Tip #2 - It’s Not About Her, It’s All About You
Unless we are mindful of the power of our speech, it is not always innately easy to keep our focus on the positive aspects of our mate. In fact, I would venture so far as to say that it is so much easier to point our finger and play the blame game when our relationships are strained and/or fall apart. But where does that get us, really? Energy flows where our attention goes and by engaging in the blame game we are focusing our energy on everything we don’t like about what our mate did or did not do, said or did not say. All this behavior accomplishes is to actually create more and more of what you dislike. There is no sense in blaming yourself either, so don’t even go there. Say, “No” to the blame game; refer back to Tip #1, and then choose to shift your focus to what actually went right, like children, pets, adventures, experiences, etc.
Tip #3 – It Is Not Your Job To Make Her Happy
Of course we want our mate to be happy, and for most of us it is our pleasure to contribute to another’s happiness. At the same time however, happiness is an individual choice that is not dependent upon any external forces. A person can be living in luxe and still be unhappy, while another person may have no idea where their next meal is coming from and still be able to “count it all joy.” If we find ourselves exhausting our own energy trying to satisfy the happiness factor of our mate, it is past time to turn inward and start focusing on what makes us happy. When we are able to step into our own joy, we become like the light of the candle shining for others who are receptive.
